Pooling our Issues

Today, for the first time this season we decided to go to the pool. The temperature has been dangerously high lately so we were left with little choice. Everywhere we go during the day, it feels like we are getting microwaved in our car and the air conditioning never feels cold enough.

I have no real problem with the pool, in fact I like how much Eli enjoys himself there. But it is the swimming suit situation that I take issue with. I am not one of those ladies that can't wait to buy a new cute suit every year; I bought a black very conservative tankini years ago and that has been my annual safety blanket ever since. This year though, it fit quite differently. It seems to be a losing fight to try to keep the bottoms out of my bottom. I found some shorts to wear in the pool that might disguise the ripples of cellulite that have recently made a rude appearance. I mentioned my reservations to Mark before we got to the pool but as usual, since there is no correct response to such a comment, he just listened.

As we walked down the steps into the toddler pool area, I was immediately comforted by the look of the other maternal pool patrons sitting in chairs at the shallow end. In fact, after I pointed them out, Mark made a supportive comment having something to do with "beached whales". Alright, I could do this.

It wasn't long after we got in that I started spotting the bikini moms that made me want to punch them in their six packs. I would point them out to Mark and then tell him they must be the nanny or the college babysitter. No one could have a baby or toddler and be that skinny again, it just not possible. Show me their stretch marks or pasty colored legs! Yes, obviously I have some issues if this is what bothers me while I should be enjoying my son's pool activities with him.

Speaking of Eli's pool experience. I am always entertained by his reactions to things. He had no problem getting in the cool water (though he immediately needed to be taken to the bathroom to pee upon seconds of entering the pool, he has great control!), since we were already melting from our car ride there. But he wasn't interested in the little slide or getting his head wet. Instead we made endless trips around the perimeter of the pool while Eli pointed out all the floating bugs and insisted I save them (I might have started this by saving a beetle in the first few minutes). Meanwhile, while baking in the sun (in my cellulite concealing shorts), I felt like a piece of fried chicken sitting in the food warmer of a fast food restaurant. Eli remained blissfully pale in his 50+ sunblock and his 18 month old swim trunks (yes, he is a little bit thin). Since the adult pools were not open to the public until noon, the toddler pool was bombarded by a bunch or rowdy little turds that kept diving in front of us and splashing us in the face. I had to curb my mean mommy instincts (not an easy task) and not scold each child that knocked Eli over.

After all the finer points of the pool had been fully enjoyed, we decided to pack it in and get back into our car to be broiled on the way home. Now that we have opened the pool activity door, Eli will be asking us to go there every day for the next 3 months. I better start doing some squats so those other moms don't feel comforted by calling me a beached whale. Maybe I should just get one of those one-piece suits with a little skirt attached... that would be on par with my daily sweat pants issue. When you see me at the pool in that, you will know I have just given up on life.