Typically as the warmer weather approaches, people tend to get a little crazy. My family is no exception. Here is a collection of photos and stories I've captured in the past few weeks.
Marina's Baby Alive ran out of batteries recently. Typically I have a policy where no batteries will ever be replaced in annoying toys, but I was feeling generous and decided to refuel the annoying, bouncing baby. I opened the back of her pajamas and this is what I found.
A battery cover shaped like buttocks.
Speaking of buttocks... my children love to have their pictures taken after bathing in the evenings. This one may not make Nana's Christmas album.
Eli is trying to grow his hair to look like a professional soccer player. Right now he looks professionally awesome.
For Mother's Day, both kids brought home their Mom worksheets. Here are their respective answers. I'd like to highlight a few. From Eli's: "I think my mom is best at making dinner." I had to wonder if this was a tongue-in-cheek type of comment. Or am I really that bad at everything else?
Marina's: "What does your mom do all day?" Work. :( This feeds my feelings of maternal guilt.
Notice a common denominator? Mom's favorite food: Salad.
Since the warm weather has arrived, I brought out the various unflattering colored jogging shorts. I wear them around the neighborhood while the kids ride up and down the sidewalk. As I followed behind them today, wearing highlighter orange shorts and balancing on Eli's Razor scooter, I thought about the neighbors and the people driving by. How many of them work with me? How many of them just saw Marina chasing Eli on her Hello Kitty bike yelling, "I'm going to chop your buttocks open!"?
A few weeks ago, a man knocked on the front door. I answered it in my normal post-work uniform built for comfort. He looked startled to see a homeless person answering my door.
He started a sales pitch about crates of fruit he sells from the back of a truck. He told me it is the best fruit anywhere. Then he took a grapefruit out of a toolbelt-looking thing and cut it open with a pocket knife then handed me a piece to taste. My mind instantly told me it was probably poisoned fruit but then I remembered my inability to say no to door-to-door salesmen. I took a bite of the grapefruit. He set it down on the front step and took another piece of fruit from his pocket. This continued a few more times. He then told me I could buy 57 pieces of fruit from him at a low price. I told him I didn't think my refrigerator could hold 57 pieces of fruit. He didn't look happy but he told me that the cut up fruit was a free gift and left. I looked down at the fruit lying face down on the concrete step and wondered who like to eat their fruit directly off the sidewalk? Because I felt guilty about throwing away whole pieces of uneaten fruit, I put it on the counter and left it there for a day before I threw it away. That's smart thinking right there.
The ants go marching two-by-two hurrah, hurrah. These particular ants were marching from outside of the house right into the downstairs bathroom. Few things make me as irate as finding intruding insects in my home. I laid out the ant hotels and waited for them to die. The next day as I watched them greatly weakened and struggling to walk, I felt a wash of guilt. These poor hardworking ants finally hit the jackpot in a house where no one listens to mom when she says not to eat in the living room; then I decided to poison their insides. Sorry ants, but stay the H out of my house.
I love the things Eli writes. I find him endlessly amusing. The other day, I was putting away something in our "library" and found this written on a piece of paper on the table. I asked him if he left this note and he said yes, he put it there yesterday when he couldn't find his homework. Excellent.
Speaking of homework, this was on the end of the year paper Eli had in his portfolio yesterday. Answer: Math testes
Oh what a difference one letter makes.
If you are in the neighborhood, are not selling fruit, have an impressive rat tail, don't spell well and hate intrusive insects, stop by for a bike ride. My daughter will chase you down and threaten to harm your buttocks. You will feel just like family.
