I Google You.

Sometimes I think you could tell a whole story of someone's life by the things they Google.  You know how when someone commits some kind of major crime, the police come and seize their computer and electronics.  I was just thinking about the things I've Googled in the last month.  If someone was looking at my searches, what kind of picture of me would this paint?  I think it probably gives a pretty comprehensive story.

Here are some examples I just found in my Google drop-down:

• Why does my neutered cat keep humping things?  (this was searched today)
• How to take a door off the hinges?  (then searched again when we couldn't figure out the first one)
• How to make oatmeal. (I make this every other week and have to look it up every time)
• How to hard boil an egg.  (again, looked up more than once)
• Where can I find the cheapest pre-made Slim Fast shakes?  (an idea I'm considering for easy lunches)
• Pneumonia symptoms in kids.  Croup symptoms in kids.  (I'm always sure it is more than just a simple cough)
• How to get rid of small black ants.
• How to kill dandelions.  Should I pull out weeds in my yard? How long do tulips live? (obviously my thumb is some color other than green)
• What do skin cancer moles look like?  (back to that hypochondria thing...)
• Thyroid problem in cat. (Fat Linda)  
• Cat pukes all the time. (Lorenzo)
• Crockpot recipes.  Then... Easier Crockpot recipes.  (then I gave up)
• Dot on my lower eyelid (hypochondria...)
• How many calories does a push-up burn?  (answer:  1/2 a calorie)
• How many calories in a Modelo beer?  (dinner...)
• 3-year-old won't eat. 
• Common knee injuries (hypochondria)
• How to switch contacts from HTC phone to iPhone (I failed this one).  

Who is the person that Googles this nonsense?  A lazy hypochondriac who can't cook, has weeds in the yard, ants in the house and several broken things lying around.  I'd say that's fairly accurate.  I also have big hair and excellent children.