Do you speak Clintonese, by any chance?

Sometimes I think I choose humor over good parenting.  I let my kids get away with smacking people in the butts all the time because it keeps me giggling (unless it's me getting smacked when I'm stressed out... then watch out!)  Their vocabulary includes words like "turd" and "the pukes" (referring to the stomach bug).  Eli recently stopped mid-sentence and looked slightly abashed for using the school-word "bottom" in place of the house-word "booty" (or butt or buttocks).  What can I say, we (by we I mean me) are a coarse bunch.

We have also adopted an entire vocabulary of misused or mispronounced words that don't get corrected because they are gems.  Here are a few examples:

• For years, Eli said, "crackdackle" instead of crocodile.  
• He still says, "Harry Poppins" in place of Harry Potter.  I have no intention of correcting this one.
• Marina calls eyebrows "windbows."  I think she used to call them rainbows but somehow transitioned to "windbows."  
• And the newest: today I introduced English muffins to Marina.  A few moments later she asked for butter on her Spanish Waffles.  It took me a minute to follow the path her mind had taken.  She has talked about them several more times since.  Ergo [look at me, I'm smart], a new phrase has been inducted into our Clintonese language.  

You may be raising your "windbows" at me and getting concerned my kids will be laughed off the playground.  But do not fear, I plan on having a meaningful conversation with each of them before they go off to college (over a plate of Spanish Waffles).

Uranus is Missing

Earlier this year, Eli's science class was learning about the planets and the solar system.  He was so excited about telling me which planets had moons and rings.  He also was able to shame his mother by naming the planets in order then asking me to check his work (now you know my only knowledge gap).

One day he asked me if I knew which planet had a funny name.  He was giggling.  I knew right where this was going.  This is how the rest our conversation went:

Me:  "I think I do."
(More giggles from Eli.)
Eli:  "Do you know why it's so funny?"
Me:  "Yes, because it sounds like 'Your Anus'"
Eli: (Pause) "Huh?" (Another Pause) "Because it sounds like URINE!"
Me: "Huh?"
Eli: (Giggle) "Uranus [pronounced URINE-ISS] sounds just like urine!"
Me: "I think you mean Uranus [pronounced YUR-ANUS or YOUR-ANUS]"
Eli: "No, no.  Mrs. __ says Uranus [URINE-ISS]."
Me:  "Hmmm.  Ok."

So, I guess this is what they are saying these days.  Is this a political correctness issue?  Is it much less offensive to have grade school kids saying urine instead of anus?

Just think of the generations of immature kids missing out on one of the better jokes of the cosmos.

Eli will never make this comment:  "Did you know you can see spots on Uranus with a low powered telescope?" or "I think Uranus smells like burning sulfur."

I guess this can go on the list of "Remember whens" I reference as I get older.  For instance:  Remember when phones made that pulse sound instead of a touch tone?  Remember when I had shoes with pumps on the tongue?  Remember when grade school girls wore sweat suits instead of mini skirts?  Remember when Pluto was still a planet?

Remember when Uranus went missing?

Merry Clinton Christmas 2012

It's time again to wish you a Merry Christmas from the Clintons (click for closer inspection).

Here are several honorable mentions that unfortunately didn't make the cut.

There you have it...  Just reiterating our awesomeness to the cyber world.