Moldy Power

An indication that your child may be watching too much TV is when you are preparing breakfast and he asks you if you get frustrated when your food goes bad and gets rotten.  I stopped for a moment then said, yes, I suppose I do.  Then he asked what I do to keep it fresh.  I asked him how he knew to ask this and he told me about the commercial with the woman who gets very frustrated with her moldy food and must use a vacuum seal pack to keep it fresh.

Ah, the power of advertising.  It touches even the smallest of consumers.

Cuttin' Jams

There is something about footy pajamas that is totally irresistible. Eli got a few pairs for Christmas. I think at 4T he is at the biggest size they make them in. Tonight he pulled a pair of dinosaur ones from his drawer and requested to wear them. Something we learned the first time he tried to wear a pair is that Eli's feet are abnormally large. The pajama makers do not take into consideration the Shaquille O'Neals of the toddler world who look like they have skis on all the time. So, in order to accommodate his little piggies, I had to make some minor adjustments to the jams. As usual, my handiwork is impeccable. Now my only concern is whether or not Eli will be able to unzip himself in the event of a bathroom need in the night. I guess we'll find out.

In Eli's feet's defense, they are not so big that I had to cut off as much as it looks like in the picture, instead the material gathered at his ankles because I did so well at making my cuts.

Breakfast Talk

Here is the scene: this morning, before school, listening to my iPod on shuffle. Marina is bouncing around in her exersaucer while Eli is eating breakfast and pondering life.

Eli: Who is that singing?

Me: Luciano Pavarotti

Eli: Did he die? (I don't know where this question comes from. He has been asking it every time he hears music lately)

Marina: GAAAAAAA

Me: Yes.

Eli: Did he die in jail? (odd question)

Me: No. I think he got sick.

Eli: Was he throwing up?

Me: Probably.

Eli: He was probably throwing up chicken and fish sticks.

Me: Maybe. It's very possible.

Eli: Hmmm. His songs are still pretty good.

Me: Yes. I'm glad you have a good ear for music, son.

[Next song starts]

Eli: Is this girl dead?

Me: No.

Eli: Is she pretty?

Me: Possibly.

Immediately after this, I come clean the table by where he is eating and he leans too far to one side and falls out of his chair onto the floor, hitting his head in the process. It is very sad and he needs a lot of hugs from Mommy to feel better. When he is recovered, he asks if he can tell his teacher about how he fell down this morning. I say yes. Then he says, "I'm going to tell her how you knocked me out of my chair and I fell down."

"What!? I didn't knock you down! Don't tell her that. Tell her the truth. You weren't sitting in your chair correctly."

A few minutes later, after coming out of a time-out for refusing to wear a certain pair of shoes to school, Eli asks if he can tell his teacher about his disobedience. I say yes. Then he says he will tell her it makes Mommy frustrated and she yells. I tell him that is not entirely accurate.

I'm sure Eli went to school and said his Mommy yelled at him and knocked him out of his chair so he would fall on his head and then put him in time-out. I'm probably going to get a call from DCFS today...

Here is a picture of my big boy at school last week (sorry Alyssa, I did not get your permission to put you in here. If you want to sue, I'm only worth about $35 these days.)

Swinging Doors

A couple of weeks ago, I was in a big hurry to get the kids over to my mom's house for babysitting and then rush on to work. As I was pulling onto the neighborhood street, I was on the phone with my work telling them I would be coming in a little late. Suddenly a little voice from the backseat registered in my head. What was he saying? "Mommy, I can't get this door closed!" I turned my head to see what he was talking about. Eli had the back door swinging open while I was driving! I screamed his name and stopped the car. Then I realized I was still on the phone so I had to explain myself. I had to get out of the car and close his door and once again start the stern lecture on why the doors of the car must remain closed while the car is moving. For those of you who have read my past post on this very situation and who are cursing my role as a mother, let me tell you this... I did set the child safety locks on my car after the last time Eli opened the door mid-trip, but on this particular day, we were in Mark's car which had doors with child locks that had not yet been engaged.

Eli started to apologize profusely but I was not hearing it. The exchange went something like this:

Me: Eli! You absolutely cannot open the car door while Mommy is driving. I have told you this before, I don't know why you can't understand this concept!

Eli: Why not, Mommy?

Me: Because as soon as you do, you will fall out of the car door.

Eli: Then what will happen?

Me: Then a truck will immediately run you over.

Eli: Then what?

Me: Then you will die.

Eli: Then what will happen?

Me: That's it. You'll be dead.

Eli: But will I raise again from the dead in three days?

Me: Hmmm. No, that's only Jesus.

Eli: Ok, Mommy. I'm sorry.

I still don't think he understands the gravity of the situation. But I am glad he has a grasp of solid theology and repentance.

Singing Eli

Here is a video of a common occurrence in our house. Eli is serenading us loudly. I believe he might have a future in professional singing... either that or he will be a professional athlete. Either way, I'm gonna be rich!

Kid Tested

After reading several articles and forums on the internet, I have tried all sorts of tricks on Marina to try to get her to sleep better.  The problem has been that I got her hooked on all these bad habits just for my survival.  First I would bring her in my bed to keep her from crying in the night (this was very bad).  Then I would feed her too many times in the night (also bad).  Now at 5 months old, she is terribly addicted to a pacifier and won't sleep without it and also must be always swaddled.  Again, I have searched the internet and found solutions to both of these problems.  And like usual, I came home yesterday and experimented on my strong-willed child once again.  Unfortunately, it was a bit of a mess for her.  She really never ended up napping because the solution was a cold turkey break of both the swaddle and pacifier.  I have actually tried this before but lost the battle when my exhaustion betrayed me.  Last night was a bad night and I felt discouraged today.  Why did these methods work on everyone else's kids and they had these miracle results but my stubborn girl could outlast me and my patience?
Today, I have decided to stick to it.

At her first nap, she started the same old fuss number when I put her in the crib.  After five minutes I went up to soothe her but she wasn't really crying that hard so I just observed her from a distance and left the room.  By the time I got downstairs, there was silence.  She had fallen asleep without a swaddle or pacifier.  And here I am, over two hours later, and she is still asleep!  Every other day, I have to run up and down the stairs multiple times just to put her pacifier in and she only ends up sleeping an hour or so.  It is such an oddity for her to have uninterrupted sleep that I actually had to go up to make sure she was breathing!
So I write this to share a rare encouragement.  It turns out I can do this after all!  And also, I found out that everything you read on the internet is true!

Here is a picture of my strong willed (though pretty cute) little turd.

In a totally unrelated story...
I just realized that I neglected to teach Eli how to cut with scissors when he came home from preschool one day with a star that he was supposed to be cut out.  Instead of cutting around the lines, he had just made fringe all around the border.  So the other day I bought him some toddler scissors and we had our first lesson.  The poor kid didn't even know how to hold them.  In his intense concentration, every time he would open the scissors with one hand, the other hand would mimic the same action and his mouth would open and close too.  It was really cute.  He wanted another try at it today so I took a picture to include here.  He is still only cutting fringe around the edges and watching him just stresses out his dad because he keeps seeming like he is about to cut off his fingers.  I guess if he does, we will have to put the scissors away for the rest of his life.  What a handicap that will be...

Pacify This!

Dear Marina,

I'm sorry about having to take away your pacifier in a "cold turkey" kind of way.  I realize that I have taken away your comfort and gateway to sleep.

But perhaps you should be apologizing to me for waking me up every hour, every night to put it back in.  If you would have just let it lie, perhaps we could have avoided this unpleasant situation.

In an act of attempted solidarity, I can give up something too, so you won't resent me.  From this day forward, no matter where I am, I will no longer sleep with pants on.  I hope this helps our relationship a little bit.

Love,
your sleep-deprived mother and partner in suffering

Pants Trick

If I am eating a treat with chocolate chips on top of it, then the chances of me walking around with chocolate smeared on my butt all day go up exponentially.  This is a often proven fact.  This is especially true when I decide to snack on it in my car before work.  Maybe I should just start wearing brown pants every day to avoid any future embarrassments.

Scrap the Cat

The definition of the junkiest cat in America:

One that leaves two piles of puke in the living room for you to find when you first come downstairs with your hands full of kids who are waiting for you to feed them breakfast.  After you clean the puke, you witness the cat going back and eating some more food.  Then your child goes into the living room and calls out, "The cats threw up chips all over the floor!"  (not really chips, more like cat food, in giant chunky piles)  While you are cleaning up puke episode number two, the same crap cat goes upstairs and humps your son's giant stuffed dog.

I told Eli I was going to open the door and let the cats run away.  He was not on board with this idea, in fact, he got quite upset with me.  Let's see if he feels the same way when I tell him that one of them was just making sweet love to his giant stuffed dog.