Wall of Wonder

Today, in an effort to remind myself not to eat junky foods, I decided to put on a pair of jeans that are uncomfortably tight.  Now, we are not talking about some low-rise sexy, tight jeans (these don't look good on me anyway because a certain no-butt, yes-muffin top situation), instead these bad boys are the kind that cut into you at the waist.  I put on a looser shirt to disguise the torture.  Yes, I may be a bit masochistic, and in the end, it didn't work anyway.  I just drank a Starbucks coffee and ate a low-fat coffee cake (which is still like eating a hamburger) and now I sit here wondering if the button is going to pop off and break my computer screen.  This may not have been the wisest choice, but it certainly keeps me more aware than walking around in the vast expanse of my sweat pants. 

Aside from the tight pants party I'm having, I am determined to keep this day in a positive swing, though the elements are certainly conspiring against me. 

For the last two days, for some unknown reason, I feel like I am in a constant rush.  Because of this, I have been rather impatient with my kids, which is immediately followed by regret, then much needed apologies.  This terrible cycle is at its worst in the last ten minutes before we leave home for Eli's school drop off, Marina to the babysitter, and me on to work.  Eli suddenly forgets how to put his pants on or Marina pours out all her cheerios on the floor then picks them back up and eats a bunch of cat hair. 

Today, as I was taking deep breaths (though not too deep given my tight pants situation) to keep calm when Eli's shrill voice cut through.  "Mommy!  I had a little accident."  Hmmm.  We are past the age of peeing and pooping pants, so normally this indicates a spill (i.e. whole gallons of juice spilling on the floor).  I calmly asked what kind of accident.  "I got a little pee on the wall."  Hmmm.  I asked him how in the world he managed to pee on the wall.  He answered with, "I wasn't paying attention.  I got distracted."  Distracted by what in a stark white bathroom with no windows?  When I went into the bathroom to survey the situation, it was not good.  He had managed to pee toward the corner, where two walls met just behind the toilet.  Since it was a corner, he got a good amount on both walls.  The cheap paint (that I have been meaning to repaint) just seemed to soak in the urine.  So with only minutes to spare before we hit the inevitable 'late' mark, I had lean behind the toilet and wipe down the walls and floor, and even the small garbage can below that he generously sprayed.  I told him I wasn't so sure it was an accident.  He insisted it was.  I was out of breath from bending over in my tight pants and not pleased with having my face that close to the dripping toilet but we had to move on since we had a tight schedule to follow and everyone was still in their respective pajamas (minus me, the tight-pants wonder). 

Hours later, the annoyance has past and I am happily humming to myself.  I managed to survive the Great Wall Piss of 2010.  I may make a t-shirt that proclaims my bravery.  That's right, I am a positive person and I am saving up for a cleaning lady who will willingly lean her face near our toilets.