Hair Haikus

My Hair is Everywhere
(Thank you Dashboard Confessional for the use of your rhyme)
-Some Haiku dedicated to my Hair

** As an English major, I must own that this is very bad haiku, lacking in sufficient seasonal imagery and word mastery.  It can only be known as Pseudo Haiku.

Brown nest smells like food
Open window expands it
To the size of France

Ever live with blonds *
Cover with oceans of hair
On white floors it shows

Try a new shampoo
Humidity is my foe
Better ponytail

Unmanageable
To my kids goes the gift
Of volume and wave

Lorenzo takes bites
Probably looking for rats
In newly washed mass

So please if you please
No volumizing shampoo
To not block out the sun


* Footnote:  I have only have had roommates who are blonds (and Mark's hair is 1/2" long).  As I have very dark, thick hair, my shed strands are visible from ten yards out.  Blond haired people don't realize their hair falls out just as much as we dark-haireds, you just can't see it as well (so there!).

If you are feeling sorry for my verbally abused hair, I can admit that many of the problems with it actually stem from a user error.  As with many things in my life (like my cooking), I have unrealistic expectations.  I want air-dried hair that lies flat and shines all day.  Instead I have air-dried hair that reaches past the width of my shoulders and only shines when I inadvertently wipe my potato chip fingers in it.

So what should I do?  Make a change?  No, how about I just keep complaining about it and buying more shampoo that promises me miracles... and write poop poetry about it.