Age Barrier

Aging is a funny thing.  There are days when I look around at my friends and I feel like we are all kids playing like grown ups.  I often wonder how I can be trusted to raise kids and pay a mortgage.  

Then there are other days... the ones where I see my forehead wrinkles, pull out a few white hairs, and come to grips with the fact that I am in my 30s.  In terms of my looks, body, athleticism (ha!), you could say that my prime is behind me (and by this I don't mean in the JLo sense of "behind").  

I don't live in the TV world where in my 30s I am out at high-end clubs in the city, with expensive clothes and stunning shoes.  I live in the frugal adult world where I buy my work pants at TJ Maxx (they have design flaws, like when the button is sewn an inch too far to the right and it looks like my fly is down all the time) and I look for shoes that won't give me a bunion.

That is until recently.  All my work pants are too long; I think my legs are shortening in my old age.  Rather than get all my pants hemmed (just in case my legs grow again), it seems easier just to invest in taller shoes.  Since I don't have $300 for one pair of nice shoes, I buy uncomfortable, inexpensive shoes and force myself to hobble around on them all day at work.  I look totally ridiculous and I know it.  The worst part of it is how aware I generally am of people's shoes.  I often [inwardly] scoff at people wearing shoes that wobble with every step.  Why not wear something you can walk in?  Because obviously their pants are too long and they only paid $20 for the foolish shoes they are wearing.  I understand now.

Here is Exhibit A.  I wore these idiot shoes today.  In my head it was going to go smoothly... Yes, I can gracefully float in 5 inch heels.  Technically, I can't  walk from my car to my office in almost any type of heels.  There is a cobblestone walkway near the door that likes to eat up stiletto heels and break ankles.  This morning, after I put the torture-device shoes on at my desk, I realized there was a flaw with my plan.  These kind of shoes not only hurt my feet, they cause me to walk like I have wooden legs.  And for some reason, I can't turn a corner very well.  I have to turn like a semi does - cutting wide, nearly knocking into the wall.  If you have terrible ankles (like I do), perhaps you want to steer clear of these bad boys (I bet I wear them again next week).  I'm a walking (hobbling) workman's comp claim.

Outside of work, I have now graduated into my mom's shoe league.  We now both wear Merrells for their comfort and support. These are the shoes I wore to walk to and from the parking lot.

While tall shoes may be very adult, just not fitted for my aching body, my after-work/weekend wardrobe still screams of my college days.  I have orange sweatpants with the word PINK (sometimes you can only see PK) written across the buttocks.  I like to pair them with black socks like an old man mowing the lawn...

No, the picture below is not a stock photo from the Victoria's Secret catalog.  And no, my butt is not melting, it is just flat... like an old person's.

I also like to wear Uncle Jessie t-shirts in children's sizes... And I wear kitchen gloves because washing dishes makes my hands feel like sandpaper.  Yes, I'm a walking Palmolive commercial.  Yes, my hair actually looked like this all day at work.

And here I am in all my ridiculous glory.  Wouldn't you like to be my kid and have me pick you up from school like this?

So, perhaps it is time I came to grips with my age.  As a nod to my infirmed ankles, I should buy another pair of Naturalizers and as an act of mercy to my family, I should throw away any article of clothing that would be commonplace on a college campus (though I do realize you don't see a lot of the above outfit outside of a game of Truth or Dare).

Coming soon, the new, improved Lily.  I'm going to need a government grant to complete the transition, but I'm sure the American tax-payers won't mind.

Now I'm going to ice my ankles...