Privacy Disclosure

Something I've learned to accept as a parent is that privacy is a distant dream that has no place in my everyday life.  I never even think about closing the bathroom door, it's just going to burst open anyway (I have to make a concerted effort not to unbutton my pants before I close the stall at work - you're welcome, coworkers).  If I'm changing my clothes, there is a good chance there will be a little child standing next to me trying on my shoes.  I actually don't mind that my personal time and bodily functions are common property; it's more like being aware of a hard fact (an example of a hard fact:  Fat Linda has a feeble mind).

I was wondering the other day if there was a moment where I said, "That's it!  I give up on my privacy!"  Then I realized I knew exactly when that was.  The life-changing major privacy breech happened when I was in labor with my first child.  After a whole lifetime of living by the "keep your privates private" rule, suddenly I was in a room for hours being poked and prodded and put on display for a live studio audience.  After hours of labor, I didn't care anymore.

Immediately following I was nursing... enough said.

Now that my kids are out of the baby stage, they come and go as they please whether I'm in the bathroom or the shower or sunbathing nude (just kidding - this is over the line, plus I can't risk the paparazzi photos popping up on the web).

Two days ago, there was an excellent illustration of how a typical day in my life progresses.  I had been standing in the shower for thirty seconds when the shower curtain was suddenly pulled open.  A two-year-old stood on the other side.  She said, "You washin' your hair, Mommy?"  Yes, Marina.  She repeated this action every 45 seconds for the remainder of my shower.  In between the questioning, she informed me that she had "snots" and required my nose wiping skills.  I had to find a suitable wiping device from my precarious shower position.  Back I went to my washing.  Then the curtain pulled back open and Marina told me she had to pee.  Since there was no stool in the bathroom, I had to reach out, pull down her pants, lift her onto the toilet, and release a fountain of water from my arms onto the floor.  Immediately following, I had to stretch out and pull some toilet paper for her (which isn't an easy task with soaking wet hands).

At this point I was starting to lose my patience.  I told her to go back downstairs.  The rebellious child knew my powers were limited while I stood naked under a stream of water so she ignored my request.  I decided to ignore her right back (yes, maturity is one of my strengths).  A few minutes passed before I realized it was too quiet in the bathroom.  I peeked out and saw Marina taking my discarded underwear off the floor and putting them on over her pants.  This might be funny if my underwear didn't look like clown pants on her.  Humbled, I said, "Hey!  Take those off."  She said, "Ok, Mommy."  What an obedient little child.

I hurried to rinse the conditioner out of my hair and turned off the water.  Opening the curtain, I discovered Marina walking around the bathroom with her pants off, wearing my underwear in place of her own.  She wore them in the traditional way, only she decided to solve the size problem by putting her arms through the leg holes too and wearing them like giant suspenders - or like a wrestling singlet.

Sigh.  While I wonder what it would be like to change my clothes without being interrupted, I was just thinking that there will be a day not too far in the future where my house will be quiet and clean and I will be wishing our kids would come home and destroy our privacy.   Maybe I will go to my mom's house right now and throw open the bathroom door, just in case she is wishing this right now, too.