I was sitting and reflecting on my current exercise regimen just now while eating a sugar cookie from Janet's and drinking skim milk (that's right, no fat).
Once upon a time I was doing that Couch to 5k thing for weeks and weeks. Suddenly I was super fit and ripped... wait, actually I saw very little change at all. Then I was forced to stop when the basement flooded (ten months ago). The Great Basement Flood of 2012 forced me to unplug the treadmill and move it away from the water-logged carpet. There began my decline into slothfulness (I actually think I was on the running program for about 3 months, before that, the sloth thing). Also, during super fitness time, I thought I was running at a fairly decent pace before my elementary math kicked in and I realized I was running a 12-minute mile. This so offended my PE timed-mile-running self that I renounced running entirely and proclaimed that I was a disgrace to all former bench warmers.
Current day: every single morning I give myself a very sleepy pep talk to motivate myself get back on the proverbial horse. For several post flood months, I was working my way back to optimal health by alternating Jillian Michaels in the morning with [what I believed was a brisk paced] walk on the treadmill. Then I got so annoyed Jillian and her stupid sweatpants and irritating ways that I restricted myself to walking. I have often considered running again but the problem is I like to walk and read. Trying to run and read gives me car sickness. And a bad attitude.
Also, and this is the best excuse of all, I have a hair situation. My hair requires a minimum 6-hour settling time after drying before it can start to resemble normal hair. I have to shower at night to meet this minimum. Therefore I cannot sweat profusely in the morning. Running makes me sweat profusely. It follows that I cannot run in the morning until my hair grows long enough to be eligible for the business ponytail.
So instead, I snooze my alarm from 5 to 6 am while Mark tosses and turns beside me, enjoying his teacher summer sleep in. Last week I told myself there were too many spiders in the basement for me to go down there.
I eat chips and beer at 8:30 on a Sunday night and write about reasons why I can't exercise. (This comment made me outraged enough to pause for a round of 15 impressive push-ups.) Clearly I have been writing this blog for more than one day and am still documenting my deplorable eating habits.
With my extensive business knowledge, I know it is important to identify a desired outcome then formulate the steps to get there. So here is my exercise business plan:
Desired Outcome: Optimal physical fitness level. This will allow me to successfully carry the members of my family out of the house, should a fire unexpectedly hit. Also, and I've mentioned this before, I can outrun a predator should he or she decide to chase me for miles trying to steal my purse or my underwear.
Steps to Achieve Goal:
- Get up with my church bell sounding alarm at 5 am and briskly walk
- Transition to Couch to 5K
- Make the doctor's appointment I have been avoiding out of shame
- Stop drinking 1/2 a beer at night (I lose interest after the first half)
- Run a marathon immediately after completing Couch to 5k
- Wear a halter top to show off fit arms and back
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