Whatever the case, we have somehow avoided cutting down trees using [plugged in] extension cords to guide them [somewhat] safely to the ground. We have also not tried to remodel anything, nor has anyone publicly humiliated themselves (any more than the norm).
When you are on a run like this, is it any surprise that trouble comes looking for you?
Our most recent form of trouble was a result of homeowner negligence.
We have a fan exhaust hole high up on the side of our house. Apparently this is where the smelly poop air is funneled from the various bathrooms. Normally this exhaust hole would have a flap over it, but we live in Central Illinois where the wind blows viciously free and likes to take swinging flap doors and tear them off. A few years ago, when we lost the first door, we had to borrow a tall ladder to get Mark up on the garage roof. From this point, I'm a little fuzzy on what we had to do next. I know the exhaust hole is super high up, and while Mark is generally considered to be a giant in my family, it might have been even above his reach. Either he somehow managed to stretch his tendons longer than humanly possible to switch out the door, or we (perhaps unwisely) had him step up on something on the slanted roof in order to make him taller. I would ask him right now, but he's upstairs and I'm really not motivated to move. Suffice it to say that the door changing process was lengthy and rather dangerous.
Imagine our disgruntlement a year later when we came home (likely from Sam's Club, our regular togetherness outing) to find the swinging flap door lying crippled in the snow. Rather than attempt another risky door replacement, this time in the snow, we ignored the problem. Everyone knows that when you ignore an issue, it just goes away.
As the seasons changed, I would occasionally toss out a comment about how we should replace the door before some animal climbs inside and decides to make babies in our attic. Still we tempted fate.
Fast forward a year.
Yesterday when I came home from work, various members of my family announced there was an animal in the ceiling. Of course I played the skeptic, as I often do, much to my husband's dislike. Several things seemed off. First, the noise was in the first floor ceiling. We have a two-story house. Any animal in the ceiling would have to be on the second floor. Secondly, I think I hear animals in the ceiling, leaking water, and various other homeowner disasters almost every day (yes, I'm also a home-hypochondriac). It never turns out to be true.
Imagine my shock a few minutes later when I hear a digging sound in the exhaust fan of the first floor bathroom!
Ah yes, the exhaust hole! A giant, inviting hole for all manner of vermin. Turns out that the exhaust pipe runs throughout that side of the house, down to the first floor. And something was in the pipe wanting to exit.
Mark and I immediately activated the problem solving areas of our brains. We came up with nonsense and speculated on what manner of beast could be watching us at that very minute. Mark took the fan cover off the ceiling while we both flinched and waited for a raccoon to launch itself on our heads. I'm including pictures to help you with your visualization.
Then, I pulled the pocket door partially closed and waited. It felt very much like Jurassic Park. After a few minutes, I could hear the sound of an approaching animal. I was fairly positive a squirrel was going to suddenly fly out of that hole in the ceiling all Christmas Vacation-style. Because I was totally focused on seeing the furry hands, I was shocked (possibly to the point of letting out an obscenity) when a beak and one beady eye poked out.
He must have been offended at my language (and the fact that he couldn't fit around the fan blades) because he retreated back into the pipe and tried ineffectually to climb back up to the second floor with no claw-holds.
I called my sidekick back in and we strategized again. We were going to have to pull out the fan assembly and then catch the bird in a laundry basket. When we realized this plan had too many holes in it (literally), we considered just closing the door to the bathroom and letting the bird come down then calling animal control. I would sing songs from Cinderella ("sing sweet nightingale...") to comfort him while we waited.
Then, I had a rare moment of brilliance. Shouldn't we just open the window and take screen out? Ah ha!
We went to work on the plan. Mark took the fan assembly out while fully expecting to have his fingers pecked.
Then we waited. My family members got bored and went outside to play. I kept watching. The Jurassic Park stress thickened again. Would the bird be injured and just fall out into the collection box we put on the toilet seat? Would he be angry and try to peck my eyes out if I didn't slide the door shut in time?
Unfortunately, being who I am, I knew I had to get any kind of scenario on video.
As I waited, Mark and the kids came around the side of the house to check on the progress. At that very moment, I heard the bird approaching in the ceiling. I signaled to my family to freeze. I got out my phone and started filming.
Just then, a bird stuck his face down, looked around then launched into the air. He flew at me, causing me to throw the door closed (amazing presence of mind, I must say) and dive into the shambles behind me. Based on the sound in the video, I think he must have flown into the door then turned around and went out the window. Mark and the kids witnessed his amazing flight into freedom.
Here is the 2-second tiny cellphone video footage.
I'm pleased to say there were no bird or finger casualties.
We also forgot to put the fan back up until today. While at work, I briefly wondered if new birds were flying around the inside of my house trying to peck the cats' eyes out. So far, nothing has flown by my head, so we may be in the clear.
And we all lived happily ever after... (p.s. we are ordering a new exhaust door tomorrow... or the next day)
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