Move to the Left

Sometimes when I start a blog, it’s easy because I already have it written in my head, I just have to type it out. But then other times, I have no idea where I’m going with it and know it will end up as a rambling mess. This blog will be of the latter variety.

I’ve been thinking about writing for a long time, but haven’t really done it because a.) there is never any time (cue the Jessie Spano voice in your head) and b.) it’s not in my nature to be inauthentic. Since I know no one wants to read a bunch of complainy crap, I usually knit instead of write.

Today, though, I’ve decided perhaps I will process through writing and it will be a healthy experience. Or, it will be absolute trash and I will delete it all. Either way, it will pair well with wine.

As a historical recap for anyone who doesn’t make the events of my life their first priority, a few months ago, my family packed up all our possessions (turns out I’m a hoarder), sold our house (see depressing blog from May) and slid over one state to the left. 

I sold my 2004 Civic in Illinois (goodbye, old friend!) and purchased a Subaru Outback in Iowa – I am hoping to fool people into thinking I go outside and sleep in tents… or own a bike.

We have new jobs, a new school, new soccer teams, a new church and new eyebrows (just kidding – I got going and it just felt right). Our lives have been altered. Sometimes I’m bewildered by how nothing is the same. A mere five hours away, but everything is different.  I’d like to say I’ve taken the changes in stride and have adapted beautifully, but clearly that would not be in keeping with my usual nonsense. Because, above all else, I do not like to lose control of the situation… and doggone it, it feels like I’m on the Hustler sitting in the outside seat (remember that trashy fair ride) while a nauseated co-passenger is slamming into me. How’s that for dramatic… ha!

So, class, what do we do when we start to complain and feel sorry for ourselves? Pray! And after that… get perspective! I’m actually making this up as I go, but I realize it is sound advice for me. I will officially declare this the year of learning and growing. 

Here is a list of things I have learned so far - sorry, I would make it a numbered list but I'm having some formatting issues that are making me feel quite violent.

• If you don’t try to make friends, you will have no friends.

• If you don’t have friends, don’t live near family and don’t trust internet finds, you will have no babysitter.

• If you have no directional sense whatsoever, total reliance on the GPS does not help build this skill.

• If you have four rakes and only two mini trees with 12 leaves each, come fall, you will desperately look for opportunities to rake and jump in the leaves. But unfortunately… refer to item number one on this list.

• If you exhibit impatient road rage in the car every morning while driving with your children, you shouldn’t be shocked to hear them call other drivers names. Following this, you should work to correct your behavior, but then expect to experience terrible traffic the day after just to test your resolve.

• It is possible to feel a constant yearning for the people who used to listen to all of your nonsense. 

• If you stop exercising cold turkey, your muscles will all melt. When you decide it is time to start again, you will be like a lawn mower after the winter with old gas. You will also snooze through your alarm every single day because there is no one waiting for you to show up at 5:11 a.m.

• There’s a feeling of liberation that goes along with being anonymous. You will find it totally acceptable to go without makeup and wear clothes made entirely of elastic.

• People one state over do everything differently.

• When you start a new job, you should eventually stop referring to your old job all the time. You will annoy people.

• Speaking of work, if you leave cooked cauliflower in your desk garbage overnight (and they don't clean until the following afternoon), the next day, you will come in and feel certain your desk neighbor is having extreme waves of gastro-distress. Finally, hours later, when you will realize the smell is coming from your garbage, you feel mortified to  count the number of people who have been by your desk that day... and who are likely suspecting you are wearing a soiled diaper.

• People want to eat dinner every night, even if you hate to cook… every night (this one is not state-specific).

• Sometimes your family needs you to step up and be present, even if you want to roll on the floor making whining sounds.

• In the midst of your struggle, it is possible to sit alone in your car, take a deep breath, look at the beautiful fall trees and feel peace, if only for 35 seconds.

• I am thankful for my family. I am thankful everyone is healthy. I am thankful I have people to miss.

I’m pretty sure I’ve exhausted the acceptable window of antisocial behavior and should now be transitioning into the grow chapter of my life. I have a lot of time for introspection, and there are a lot of corners to clean out. And maybe that’s what all of this is, a big stop sign that says, wake up you idiot! (which is a also direct quote from me in the car in the mornings)

Feel all the feels. Start listening to country music. Accept the healthy dose of humility being spoon-fed down your throat. And in the end, [cue the music!] I will rise up, rise like the dawn! Woo hoooooo!

(There is a slight chance I will snooze through my exercise time and roll on the floor making whining sounds tomorrow, but I am a book still in progress with the grow chapter still being written…)

Ramble, ramble, ramble…