Flies in the buttermilk... shoo, shoo, shoo

This week, Mark had two of his students that live in the neighborhood come to visit. Mark invited them in and they talked for about 20 minutes. I, meanwhile, was in the kitchen feeding Eli his dinner. I noticed that the door was still open while they talked. I wanted to tell them to close it, but I didn't want to be that crabby wife that yells, "Close the door!" So, I let it slide.

This proved to be a grave mistake.

There must have been a bulletin that went out to the local flies saying, "New condo, great location, free food". I started to hear the annoying buzzing sound of an approaching swarm.

Here is the part that I must mention to you that I have an extreme talent. I can kill a fly anywhere, anytime. I have this method that rarely fails me. I take a towel and I stalk the fly. When he lands, I use my left hand as a decoy (distraction) for his million eyes to focus on and then I use my right hand to showcase my incredible fast-twitch muscles and whip him. This usually stuns or disfigures the fly. It is important that you are able to locate him on the floor and dispose of him before he gets his wits about him and attacks again.

With one or two flies in the house, the fight is quickly over - I win. But on this particular day (and the morning that followed), I was outnumbered. There were no fewer than eleven flies killed in the house that day. It was a gruesome scene with legs and thoraxes (do ants have a thorax) scattered. Just when I would declare myself the winner, a friend would fly by me. I couldn't believe it. I knew they weren't coming back to life because I flushed every one of them (a gross misuse of the gallons of water with each flush). The second to last fly (number 10) got the full extent of my rage poured on him. I slapped him so hard with my "super-towel" (as Ariana calls it), that his butt literally fell off. He was still able to crawl around on the floor. I flushed him and his butt down the toilet.

While I may have a soft spot for animals, this in no way reaches to insects in my house, least of all a fly.

Here lies the remains of eleven "good" flies that came to die due to blunt force trauma followed by a burial at sea.