During the day recently, I have paced my few square feet of living space thinking that I wish I had something to eat. This happens frequently, even if I have just eaten. You might be thinking that this sounds like a tape-worm situation, but it really is more of a in-the-house-too-long situation. When you are confined to your house, you inevitably wander back and forth from the kitchen all day, looking for something to tempt you and fill up some time. Lucky for me, we are always limited on our food supply. When we shop, we only buy for Eli. Since Eli doesn't get any treats or sugar, there is none for me either. But I want snacks during the day!! I've even taken to eating croutons, just so I can get a crunch.
Our family has recently re-instituted our extreme poverty diet (it made an appearance in college) which is made up of cereal, pancakes, oatmeal, spaghetti (sick!), and ramen. All of these items can be bought by the ton at Sam's club for a very low price. Not a lot of crunch in any of those things.
Yesterday, while walking around in another frenzy to eat, it occurred to me that I could actually make something. All I wanted was dessert, but of course there was none. I made a mental note of the food list in the house. And there it was... Oatmeal! I could make cookies out of it. On the back of the box, listed were the ingredients that make "Vanishing Oatmeal Cookies". But crap(!), I didn't have vanilla or baking soda. All of the Betty Crocker's out there are cursing my name, for these are the very foundation for almost every baked recipe. Maybe I should mention now that in my life I have made 4 boxed cakes, 1 batch of very flat chocolate chip cookies, and 1 from-scratch cake that weighed 5 pounds. But, I was determined to make these oatmeal cookies.
I had to borrow the missing ingredients from my mom's house (I can't ask the neighbors, they will might try to kill me). Since I had a busy night, the cookies didn't get started until 9pm. Immediately there were problems. The first ingredient, one cup of brown sugar, was a rock shaped like a box in my cabinet. I had to chisel it and scrape at it for 20 minutes to get out what looked like a cup of it (I don't eyeball well). Then the butter (that should have been softened) and the rest of the ingredients. Mixing wasn't that big of a problem, though I did get a light dusting of flour after turning my too-powerful mixer on high. I finally got the first batch in the oven 40 minutes after I started.
While writing this blog and baking, disaster has struck. I was cleverly cooling the cookies on a flat plate (which is one of my favorites) when I thought I might need a second one. I am kind of short and the top shelf is kind of tall. I stood on my tip-toes and pulled another plate down, with it came 2 sushi bowls that were stacked nearby. One dropped right on the plate of cookies and exploded. My cooling plate broke in half, scattering cookies and the sushi bowl was all over the kitchen like confetti. After shouting an expletive loud enough to wake my unhappy neighbors, I assessed the situation. Not good. I wonder if the plate shrapnel had damaged the cookies. Probably, but I would eat them anyway. The laborious task of searching for pieces of hidden glass and sweeping did not help the whole experience. I hope I don't die from a punctured stomach wall.
Now here I sit, last batch out. I have a headache and my cookies taste bad. Maybe I shouldn't approximate measurements like the cooking shows do. I bet I eat four dozen cookies in the next 4 days.
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