Sometimes I sit for hours and ponder my life. I wish there was some kind of internet quiz I could take that would tell me all about myself. Why do I act the way I do? What am I good at? Am I special in any way? Am I average, or slightly overweight? I have been reflecting on some memories of my past and laughing about how the things of my past and the situation of my present collide to make me who I am. For instance, we had an interesting upbringing. I have felt lacking all of my life in the "things" possesed by the cool people. When I was in kindergarten, on my birthday, it was my responsibility to bring in snacks for everyone. This is a backward idea, I realize. For every other birthday of the year, mothers would bring in brownies in tupperware containers separated by wax paper, cookies, or some sugary treat. On one crappy September day, my mom brought in a paper bag filled with bananas. I hated bananas above all other kinds of food. I protested by pouting in the corner.
Flip forward a few years. Lunchboxes were the hot item of the day. All through the lunchroom, lunchboxes could be seen with all the popular cartoons of the day. But not my lunchbox. It was an red/orange tupperware container with a cloudy lid and a matching cloudy handle. Inside, you could find different containers for sandwiches, raisins or whatever the fare was that day. The lunchbox had to be brought home every day to be washed and returned for another embarrassing day.
Years later, the brown lunch sack made it's debut. But why send your kid to school with a brown bag when there were so many plastic grocery bags around? So yes, I went to school with a Kroger bag instead of a cool paper one. I might mention now that the contents of the lunch offered some cause for concern also. Never once, in all my years of grade school, was there a chip to be found in my lunch. Instead, there were carrots, wheat bread with a piece of meat and no condiments, raisins, or an apple. Very unexciting.
You see, my mother did not value the "social system" of grade school. Why would she buy the white bread with no nutritional value? Why buy brown bags, when there are so many plastic ones at home? Why would she buy me Keds for $40 when the no-brand was only $10. Why? Because my social status was on the line!
My mom wasn't being cruel to me. She was being sensible. She just didn't understand/care that so much weight was placed on the details of young life. She was building my character for the rest of my life. Say that she had bought me everything that everyone else had and I ate chips and candy all of the time... would I be much different than I am now? Maybe not, but now I know that the things in life that give us self-worth are much smaller than they might seem.
Having said all that, will I turn around now and give my kids the cool things or show them the practical side of life? Maybe a little of both. I think everyone can use a little character building, maybe some of us had a little more than we could appreciate at the time.
Thanks for the gift of character, Mom (and all the tupperware).
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