Startling Confessions

There are a few shameful things in my past that constantly poke to the top of my consciousness before I can press them back down. While on a long drive alone, I sometimes revisit these memories. Today, as I drove home from Chicago, I decided that while these events are shameful, they are also very funny. So, I thought I would share a few of them.

I grew up going to church and attending Sunday School. During those years, in my grade school youth, there was a big push on memorizing verses in the Bible. When you successfully recited a verse or passage, you were awarded a ribbon. When you had enough ribbons, you would earn a plaque that would be hung in the foyer of the church for everyone to see. I was not the best at memorizing verses. My mind would often wander and I soon fell far behind the class. One particular assignment gave me grief: The books of the Bible. In the middle of the year, we had a change in teachers. The new teacher took over, and I took advantage of the opportunity. I told the gullible new teacher that I had memorized and successfully recited the Books of the Bible and the 23rd Psalm to the old teachers and was owed a ribbon for each. The new teacher seemed to give me a quizzical look and then eventually awarded me the ribbons. At the end of the year, the plaques were hung for all to see. My plaque had only 3 of the 6 possible ribbons - 2 of them "dirty".

It seems I had a taste for lying during my formative early years. In 4th grade, I got in the habit of not doing my homework. When my teacher started to ask about it, I would make up excuses. There was one day when I was given the opportunity to make up an assignment and get partial credit. I had only to complete it and turn it into the baskets at the back of the class. For some reason or other, I did not do the assignment - again! When the teacher asked me about it, I very easily told him that I had done it, and I had put it in the basket. I wasn't sure why it wasn't there anymore; someone must have taken it. He told me he didn't believe me. I insisted it was true. Then he turned to the class and said, "How many of you saw Lily come back here and put an assignment in this basket?" (this is really a shocking thing for him to do). Even more shocking was when about 5 people in class raised their hands! I didn't do it, I certainly didn't turn it in, and now I had 5 people vouching for me - I have no idea why. It must have surprised even my teacher. He asked me to complete the assignment again and to turn it into him. I believe I did finally complete the required assignment. I did also receive a D in that subject, from that teacher, in 4th grade.

Lastly, and maybe most shamefully, when I was in high school, a bunch of people at my work were having a bowl-a-thon for the Boys and Girls Club. I felt pressured to make a donation, though I really didn't realize how much it would end up to be (kind of like Michael Scott in the Office). When it came time to collect, the Boys and Girls Club sent me a letter and an envelope in which to send back the pledged money. I ignored the first letter, then the second and third. I even ignored the final letter that let me know that I promised that money to needy children and that I should pay it. I never did. I have a lot of guilt about this now. Those poor kids.

As you can see, I am a terrible person with a history of lying. You might be happy to know that I very rarely lie now, maybe only about my weight and how much cake I just ate.