When you are about to present your child to friends, there are certain insecurities that arise, particularly if that child happens to be a rambunctious toddler boy. I had hopes that he wouldn't misbehave, that he wouldn't embarrass us, and that he would not scare other parents with the threat of what their child could become. For the most part, he was well-behaved (not counting a few major meltdowns), taking into account that we deprived him of sleep for several days and demanded excellence in his behavior. But as usual, his Eli-ness was shining through and things happened that you would never believe were possible.
Let me give you an example. I tell you now that the following story is not fiction. If I were to make this up, it would be too unbelievable, no one would believe it. Therefore, it could only be fact.
One evening, after a long, hot day at the zoo and no nap, we all went out for dinner to unwind. While we were waiting for our table to be prepared, I took Eli to the bathroom for a preemptive pee (no sense getting up from dinner when you're already eating). Eli was dawdling as we got into the deluxe stall so I shuffled him forward. My foot accidentally caught the heel of his right shoe and I flat-tired him (foot gets pulled up out of shoe). In one swift motion, without any thought at all, Eli violently and rebelliously kicked his foot up in the air, the way a professional goal keeper punts a soccer ball. The movement launched his shoe off his foot and sent it flying through the bathroom air. I watched this all unfold as if in slow motion. The shoe hit the back wall, changed directions and landed down in the toilet. Unbelievable. This was a huge stall, what are the chances of such a lucky shot? (I blamed Mark for this. He passed on his athletic, coordinated genes which make such a thing possible. If it were me, the shoe would have flown backwards and hit me in the head) I think I yelled something like "NOOOOO!" and raced to the toilet, hoping for the best situation there (what that would be, I have no idea, maybe that someone put a piece of wood over the toilet where the shoe could land without ever touching toilet water), but found the result to be dismal. It seems the toilet had been used recently and had not been flushed to rid it of the toilet paper and pee floating in there (now along with a small shoe). I was shocked. I quickly wrapped my hand in fresh toilet paper to retrieve the water/pee-logged canvas Converse. I dropped it on the floor next to the toilet where Eli correctly identified it as his missing shoe. He asked me to put it back on him. I had to explain to him the evils of putting a pee soaked shoe on over your sock and inform him that he would be operating with only one shoe for the rest of the night. I might mention there were two ladies standing near the sink talking when all this went down. I overheard their snickering. I should have taken the soiled shoe out and beat them with it, but I thought it would be a bad example for my child.
A few moments later, Eli and I emerged from the bathroom looking defeated. He, hobbling with only one shoe and an exposed white sock, and me, carefully holding a toilet paper wrapped canvas bomb. Since our party was sitting right outside the bathroom, we had to relate the whole story in detail. Eli's sock got a lot of work that night since we had more stops to make before going home.
This is the kind of impression we made on our weekend friends. But if you know anything about me and my child, you know that this is exactly the kind of thing that happens to us all the time.
So we wrapped up the weekend with hugs and great memories, including babies jabbing each other's eyes and flying canvas shoes. It's nice to have someone to share your life and laughs with...
loved every minute.
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