Grace will lead me home

Life is such a mixed bag of joys and sorrows. In my life, the joys outnumber the sorrows.

One year ago today, my beloved grandma died. She had struggled against brain cancer for 6 months before she went. She lived a full and powerful life that was defined in the end by her love for God rather than an aggressive brain tumor. While I watched her health decline, I saw her spirit surge.

On a reflective day like this one, everything seems to have special significance. This morning, I took Eli and Marina (named in honor of her great-grandma) to her grave and we said a little prayer. It was really a perfect crisp fall day where the sun is shining and everything smells wonderful. Eli picked up a few leaves and a small purple flower (probably a weed) growing in the middle of miles of grass. Marina slept. I dressed her this morning in a little yellow sweater that my grandma expertly knit for Eli and he wore the first time she saw him.

I was reminded today that many years ago, my grandma lost one of her children. I've always known that fact, but today I understood the life-long pain she must have felt to have buried a two-year-old child. I watched Eli, a rambunctious 3-year-old, and just wanted to grab him. I looked down into Marina's eyes and felt a protective surge. What a gift I have been given! And how unworthy I am... What will my grandkids think of me? Will my life be something to be proud of?

As we drove away from the cemetery, Amazing Grace was playing in my car. This line is my favorite, and was especially poignant as I thought of my grandma, who has forever impacted my life for the better and who's mark and faith is on my family.

"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come. 'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home."