Grocery Bomb

Today something so ridiculous happened to me at Cub Foods (this has been the scene of many unfortunate things in the past, come to think of it). I ventured out to the grocery store with my two kids in cold and windy weather. Eli was surprisingly cooperative after I bribed him with the promise of free samples. Marina slept in her car seat in back of the cart and took up all the room for groceries. We got through our shopping in good time, after eating up a large portion of free brownies from the bakery that ended up on our faces, teeth and on Eli's khaki pants.

After dominating the self check-out, we braced ourselves for the gale outside. That's when Marina started to shriek that incessant wail that only small babies can produce. We got to the car and I started to throw groceries in the trunk. Since there was no room in the cart, it was a struggle to get the wedged bags out (yes, I am aware that it might have been much wiser to take the car seat out first then load the groceries, but someone once made me very paranoid about how people watch in grocery store parking lots then run in and steal your kids or car when you put your cart away). I tugged at a bag with one hand and lifted the seat with the other and suddenly the bag gave way (as did the plastic) and all my purchased goods went smashing onto the asphalt. A loud expletive was shouted (I don't know by whom and luckily it was not repeated by the toddler in the cart). A plastic bottle of teriyaki sauce dropped on it's lid which splintered off and a thick, fragrant puddle attacked the rest of the groceries. A container of yogurt joined in with the sauce and expelled it's contents on my naked toes (yes, Mark, I'm aware that these things are always happening to me because I wear flip-flops every day). I had to pluck the unbroken items from the sticky mess and put them in the other bags.

By this time, not only was Marina still screaming but Eli became quite upset with the whole ordeal and started screaming and crying. He kept yelling, "The sauce! The sauce! Get the sauce!" over and over. He didn't know why it was broken and why we were leaving it on the ground. He insisted the wind must have blown it there (he recently developed an irrational fear of the wind). I had to explain that it wasn't the wind, only a clumsy mommy and that he didn't need to cry about it. This didn't help and a frazzled mother had to put her crying babies in the car, drop the sticky groceries in the trunk and take the cart back while hoping no one was stealing her kids out of the car in the meantime. I wiped the yogurt from my toes with an old soiled kleenex in my car before I drove home and wondered why these things seem to happen to me every day. Maybe because I like to tell people of my misfortunes so God is giving me a few more to tell about...