Feeling Squirrelly

Last week, on a fateful trip to Eli's school, I ran over a defenseless squirrel. I saw it happening in slow motion and was completely unable to avoid it. I was crossing a small bridge on a two lane country road with a van passing me in the opposite direction when a squirrel, who was using poor judgment, ran in front of the van. When he narrowly escaped death there, he decided to push his luck and continue on in front of me. Like a bad game of Frogger, he got mashed. It was a grotesque thud. A quick glance in my rear view mirror confirmed his fate. As I saw the sickening carnage about to unfold, knowing that my options were to continue on over the squirrel or crash my car and kill the majority of my family, I let out a terrible scream and covered my mouth with my hand. My hand stayed there for the next two miles. From the backseat, came the question, "Mommy, what happened? Mommy, what's wrong?" over and over again.

When I was able to lift myself from the depression sufficiently, I answered him with, "I ran over a squirrel, Eli."

He digested this information for a moment then asked, "Why did you do that?" I explained to him that I had no choice and that the squirrel ran out in front of us and it was was unavoidable. I even had to tell him that the squirrel was dead when he inquired after his well-being.
Had I thought a bit more clearly at that point, I would have seen it was a bit unwise to tell my 3-year-old about killing a cute, furry animal in the road. Since that time, an incessant string of comments and questions regarding the squirrel have been verbalized. "That squirrel was probably going to find his family when you ran him over" or out of no where, "Remember when you ran over that squirrel?" Clearly, this is something he keeps thinking about and since it is on his mind, he keeps bringing it up again so it can be on my mind all the time too. "Maybe that squirrel should have watched where he was going so we wouldn't have to run him over."

Squirrel, we will not soon forget your tragic death or the circumstances that lead up to that moment. You will be mourned for many more days to come and there will no doubt be constant reminders of the life you could have been leading. Rest in peace on the side of the road.