Toilet Talk

This morning, before running our errands, Eli ignored my request for him to use the bathroom before we left the house, and in my haste, I failed to notice.  So, I gave my "angry eyebrows" when he announced that he had to pee in the middle of our Target shopping trip.  I grabbed Marina and parked our cart so we could use the public toilets.  A woman was walking in the same direction just in front of us and held the door open for the poor disheveled woman carrying a car seat and corralling a hopping preschooler.

Since Marina's car seat is a bit cumbersome, our little family had to go into the "deluxe" stall just to fit, which happened to be right next to the stall that the woman just walked into.  It was awkwardly silent for a moment.  I had to pick up Eli to sit him on the toilet since it was a bit taller than he could aim into.  Immediately upon sitting, he let out a very loud fart and then announced that he was going to poop too.  Then he began a string of the loudest, most ridiculous conversation I had ever heard.  I couldn't do much about it but listen and laugh.  He started off by reminding me about the time when we were at Ikea with my sister and he sat on the toilet but his "business" was aiming out so he ended up peeing all over the back of his jeans and underwear.

Then he continued by making all of these statements - I even wrote them down immediately after so I wouldn't forget them:
"I sure love pooping." (More sung than spoken)
"When did I eat carrots!?"
"Mommy, do you see those huge carrots in my poop?"
"What are you laughing at?"
"That sure is a lot of poop, isn't it?"
"Mommy, you need to wipe all of the poop out of my butthole." (I know, this is shocking.  Judge me)
And the straw that broke the camel's back:
"Wait!  Don't pull up my pants!  My wiener is hanging out!"

I can't believe that with all the vulgar, one-sided conversation going on in our stall, inches from her, the woman did not make a peep.  We even exited our stalls at the same time and washed our hands simultaneously.  I didn't make eye contact with her since I felt like it was me who was making all of those foolish comments.

Apparently the full disclosure policy in our house needs to be reviewed and we need to start to talk about appropriate public behavior.  But in that case, I need to do a bit of study on my own.