We started it off with a swim in the baby pool at Grandma and Grandpa's house. We got there at 10:00 am and it was already sweltering (right now the heat index is 107). The kids splashed around in the pool while I sat and dipped my feet in, and swatted the occasional wasp away. I was drip sweating and repeatedly wiped my face with my tank top that was already too loose. Before long, the neck was stretched out and the whole shirt was nasty, damp and sagging. Marina sporadically jumped out of the pool and took off running in several different (dangerous) directions. Here are some cute pictures.
Before long, it became clear that we were butting up against nap time, so we had to reel it in and go home. I was like George Costanza and still couldn't stop sweating.
Even though I wanted to go in my house and take a shower, I had to deposit my kids and go to my aunt's house to water her plants. She left me in charge of keeping them alive while she is out of town. This is amazingly difficult for me since I have an uncanny ability to kill every plant within a 1 mile radius of me. Still, I've been diligently going over there and watering them, just like she showed me. Today, when I was watering and sweating, I saw her poor rose bush (or is it a rose plant?) was being attacked by hundreds of Japanese beetles. They were stacked up on each other five high (eating? Or procreating?) all over the place and the poor leaves had holes all over. What to do? I didn't want her to come home and find the mass plant carnage. I went inside and looked up ways to kill these dirty, mean bugs. The internet suggested I plant garlic nearby. Thanks. This was a very helpful, immediate solution.
Needing instant help, I jumped in my car and drove to Lowe's. Note: while a Civic may be fantastic with gas mileage, it has an extremely poor cooling system if you are driving under 60 mph. I really didn't want to go out in public because my sweaty, stretched tank top was hanging down and showing the top of my bra and at this point my legs were so sweaty my shorts were starting to ride up in the thighs (reminiscent of jr. high P.E. class). I was trying to walk across the parking lot in an unnaturally wide gate but finally gave up and embraced the ride (almost literally). In the outdoor garden center, I grabbed the only bottle that had a picture of Japanese beetles on the front and stood (and melted) in line while people behind me in line probably thought I was one of those drug addicts with the perpetual sweating problems. The fact that I was wearing a blue striped tank top and ugly hot pink shorts seemed only to draw attention to my situation (Yes, I know Mark, if I never dressed like this, then I would never get caught out in public dressed like this).
Back in my car, I tried to read the instructions for the application of the chemical and found that it is extremely poisonous and must be applied with special tools, of which I had none. I called my mom to ask if I could just mix it in a bucket of water and just throw the whole bucket on the plant. She said absolutely not and eventually talked me out of using this hazardous solution (apparently it is deadly if accidentally swallowed and had all these precautions about what to do if it gets on your skin). I didn't know what to do about the poor, accosted rose bush and felt bad just leaving it under siege, so I did the only thing in my power. I went out there with a baseball bat and started banging all the leaves so the beetles would retreat. But as they say in Arrested Development, "I immediately regret this decision." All of the sudden, the beetles all took flight in a swarm and flew all around me and into me. As a bug-hater, I was horrified. I was wiping off my body trying to make sure they weren't stuck to me. I was even itchy back in the car. On my way home, I found three non-beetle kinds of bugs crawling on various parts of my body, probably trying to avenge their annoying friends. Yuck!
When I finally got home, I felt all disoriented from all the heat and water loss (due to excessive perspiration). I immediately ate two sugar cookies to revive myself (that's what they give you after you give blood) so I wouldn't pass out in the shower.
For the rest of the day, I'm committed to steering clear of anything involving sweat or bugs. I've had enough. Actually, I tend to spend my life avoiding these things... which would explain why I don't do any outdoor exercising (or indoor, for that matter).
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