The Meaning of Cleaning

It's days like today that make me wish I had a cleaning lady (don't be offended my gender-specific use of this term, I'm sure cleaning men exist and do a good job.  For ease, I will not opt not to say cleaning lady or cleaning man throughout; it's implied).  I just got home from work, put on my evening uniform (this week it is deer pants and a zippy), started dinner then fretted about the condition of my kitchen/living room and beyond.  Unfortunately, instead of cleaning, I sat down to write a blog about it.

Why can't my house ever be clean?  Logically (and perhaps unfairly), my brain tells me it's because I have kids.  On the other hand, I've been to lots of people's houses who own kids, they don't have piles of laundry sitting in front of the fireplace and cat hair hiding in the corners.  But then again, perhaps they knew I was coming over and hastily pulled out the vacuum, then hoped I wasn't wearing black and planning to sit on the "cat chairs."

I dream of having a house that is always visitor-ready.  Instead when we get wind someone is on their way over, it is a fierce scramble.  Closet doors are slammed shut, bedrooms are blocked off.  After such a cleaning storm, you have hope your kids will play along.  Not long ago, I learned my 4-year-old daughter hosted a house tour for visitors while I was at work.  One of their stops included my bedroom upstairs, complete with a bra hanging on the door knob (not in the college dorm sense, more like a storage location).

My brain and my husband once again whisper, why can't we have a cleaning lady?

I will tell you both why not. Following along with my thinking while I present a bulleted list of solid arguments:

• Proclaiming you need a cleaning lady, is akin to admitting domestic failure.  While my failures proclaim themselves (if you've eaten dinner with us even once, you know what I mean), I can't quite take this step.
• Before you allow someone to come to your house and scrub the pee from your bathroom floors, you have to clear the make-up from the counter and bras from your door handles.  If you are already clearing these two things, you might as well spray the bathroom floor with cleaner (and not forget to come back and wipe it up).
• Cleaning ladies don't put away the piles of laundry I fold then leave on the couch while I'm watching TV. Then the cats come lie atop all the piles.  
• I'm still hoping I can figure out how to get my kids to clean my house.  I Googled "is pine sol safe for my children to use on my toilets?" So far, the results are not encouraging. 
• Oh yeah, and we're impoverished.  

So, for the foreseeable future, no cleaning lady.  Perhaps I can think of some games to entice my family members to join in the battle to combat household filth.  Maybe they can earn a meal for every pile of laundry they put away.  The downside of this arrangement is I still have to cook up their rewards.  (I just paused in my typing to use a soy sauce packet to dislodge a stray chip crumb from my keyboard. It was fortunate someone had the foresight to leave this on the table to help me out of this predicament.)

Since the cleaning lady won't be calling anytime soon, and until we get our "situation" under control, I suggest any potential visitors give us 24 hours notice before popping in.  Also, inquire within about the free cat deal we have going on during the month of April.