I've tried several things to part with disagreeable behavior, like trying to use the rule books some follow for child discipline. Perhaps these principles are universal.
First I used some I-feel statements. Lorenzo, I feel upset when you eat my hair when I'm trying to sleep. Nothing. Fat Linda, I feel murderous when you wake the whole house in the middle of the night because you are scratching on my kids' doors trying to get them to feed you. No reaction.
So I moved onto phase two. Time-outs. I put Lorenzo in the corner facing the wall shortly after he brutalized his overweight sister. He yawned, licked his shoulder then jumped down. This did not have the desired effect.
Then we tried removing privileges. Fat Linda, I will not allow you to lie down in my pile of warm laundry. Lorenzo, I will poke you every time you try to go to sleep until you get tired of it and viciously attack my arm.
So here we land at our current state, which is admittedly completely ineffectual. I verbally abuse and publicly humiliate my cat friends. While this still yields no results, I'm finding myself feeling slightly better about the state of things. There are some risks with this type of "discipline." I have to look both ways before swearing at my cats. It won't do to have my kids telling their teachers they have two bastard cats at home. Also, people tend to think I'm mean. Though I risk giving up my "Most Friendly Female" crown (10 years running), I'm going to continue publicly airing my cats' bad habits.
You've seen those excellent dog-shaming websites? I've decided this could work for our two moronic beasts. I'm hoping for some real changes fueled by feline embarrassment.
Oh, the carnage...
I'll let you know if this produces the results we are looking for. I realize I'm endangering my bathmats just by putting this out there.
Look at this retaliation we're already seeing...
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