Cents for Scents

If anyone would like to come and clean my house, I am now offering a bit of pay for services rendered.

If you clean the cats' litter box, I will give you 25 cents for every poop and 10 cents for every pee you clean (Ask about the special bonus for cat puke!).

If you clean Eli's bathroom, I will give you 5 cents for every significant pee mishap you wipe up from around the toilet.

If you clean my car, I will pay 30 cents for every full outfit you pull out from the interior and 2 cents for every bird poop on the exterior (French fries from under the seats are yours to keep).

If you clean my living room, I will give you 4 cents for every animal or blanket you pick up from the floor after you have discovered Lorenzo humping it and 6 cents for every plate Linda has overturned, desperately looking for food.

And if you clean out my refrigerator, I will award you with a high five and 8 cents for each reused butter or sour cream container you open and find some kind of rotten leftover food.

You see?  There is a lot of money to be made in this house.  While you are cleaning, I will sit on the couch and watch Spanish soap operas and occasionally throw nickels at you and yell.  I should run a sweat shop (instead of a sweat pants shop)...