Progress Report

If you looked at my day from an outsider's perspective, you might think I am quite domestic; you might even give me an A- on the Mom Report Card.  But then if you put your glasses on and took a closer look, you would see that in actuality, I earned a D. 

Positive:
I prepared a crock pot dinner for my family at 9 am.

Negative:
In an attempt to put an end to the flavorless chicken streak I've been on, I kept adding spices to a recipe that didn't call for any.  What did I end up with?  Really salty chicken that somehow still tastes flavorless.  Eli will likely start coughing and being dramatic when he takes his first bite.  Lucky for me, I am at work and will not have to witness the response to my masterpiece.

Positive:
I scrubbed the piss out of my bathrooms today (literally).

Negative:
I had to use bleach, which I do not do very well.  I ended up with a headache and burning lungs from inhaling the fumes for an hour or so.  I also managed to fumigate my entire house so my sister was forced to make dramatic statements about how she was getting crazy from the chemicals, even from downstairs.  Since my track record with bleach is not good (see a blog I wrote about a year for proof), I changed into some scrub clothes to prevent destruction.  Unfortunately those clothes included my hideous black shorts that resemble short 1990s biking shorts that Mark detests.  I wore them all the time when I was pregnant and still insist on bringing them into my daily uniform.  As a result of my vigorous scrubbing in the tub, I somehow managed to spread bleach in lines on my "special shorts".  While Mark may momentarily rejoice at the destruction of these gems, his cheers will quickly end when he sees me wear them tomorrow with brown horizontal lines across the front. 

Positive:
I tried cleaning up the living room and kitchen.

Negative:
A 4-year-old came in after me and threw things around and rolled around in his toys until the rooms looked worse than when I started. 

By the time I left for work at 3:50, I had enough of my faux domestication.  My head hurt, my hands were corroded by bleach and my tongue hurt from the salty chicken I had just sampled.  Right now I have some kind of heart burn that I will also blame on the chicken, or the Slim Jim beef jerky stick I had for dinner.

So tonight, it is very likely that I will put my biking shorts back on and do something very non-domestic, like eat a corn dog and drink a bottle of Boone's Farm flavored wine from the gas station.  Maybe tomorrow I will get a reset and I will do everything right.  Maybe someone else will cook us dinner...