I Know an Old Lullaby

Recently I have been contacted by several companies that want to market the latest beautiful lullaby I composed as a bedtime song for my children.  While I may be momentarily swayed by the thought of a significant monetary recompense, I am a woman of the people.  Instead of being instantly wealthy, I choose to keep my humble surroundings and enrich the lives of your children and possibly their children.  So here it is.  If it touches your life, please share it so it can continue the spark.

Sung softly to the tune of "I know an old lady..."  If you can use an accent, it helps.

1

I know an old Eli who swallowed a turd

How absurd to swallow a turd!

2

I know an old Eli who swallowed toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

3

I know an old Eli who swallowed toilet water

He swallowed the toilet water to wash down the toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

4

I know an old Eli who swallowed Fat Linda

He swallowed Fat Linda to drink the toilet water

He swallowed the toilet water to wash down the toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

5

I know an old Eli who swallowed Lorenzo

He swallowed Lorenzo to fight Fat Linda

He swallowed Fat Linda to drink the toilet water

He swallowed the toilet water to wash down the toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

6

I know an old Eli who swallowed Daddy

He swallowed the Daddy to kick Lorenzo

He swallowed Lorenzo to fight Fat Linda

He swallowed Fat Linda to drink the toilet water

He swallowed the toilet water to wash down the toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

7

I know an old Eli who swallowed Mommy

He swallowed the Mommy to kiss the Daddy

He swallowed the Daddy to kick Lorenzo

He swallowed Lorenzo to fight Fat Linda

He swallowed Fat Linda to drink the toilet water

He swallowed the toilet water to wash down the toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

8

I know an old Eli who swallowed a cake!

He swallowed the cake to lure the Mommy

He swallowed the Mommy to kiss the Daddy

He swallowed the Daddy to kick Lorenzo

He swallowed Lorenzo to fight Fat Linda

He swallowed Fat Linda to drink the toilet water

He swallowed the toilet water to wash down the toilet paper

He swallowed the toilet paper to wipe the turd

He swallowed the turd, How absurd to swallow a turd!

There you have it.  If you read through all of that, I applaud your tolerance and your appetite for the ridiculous.